That's it then
Well there we go. I waved goodbye to her today. The car, not the girlfriend. In fact, madam really came up with the goods last night (no, not like THAT, well, not ONLY like that) and supported me through another emotional crisis. We'll let that one lie for now.
Close, but no cigar
During the drive from the office in Southend to St Albans, I worked out that there would be no chance of a 55ft car transporter getting anywhere NEAR the little close where the A8 was ‘resting'. All I need, I decided, is a handy landscape gardener and a crisp £5 note, and one major logistical problem is history.
Oh yes, that Black Horse business is sorted. BH didn't exactly ‘come up with the goods' like madam, although they might get a few more customers if they did. They agreed to release the car, so long as the buyer gave them all the money.
The buyer very kindly did this, bar a small amount that made it in my direction – enough to buy a digital radio. Don't tell Black Horse about this please. Black Horse, as a major UK finance house, has no use for a digital radio. But if it DOES want one, it can – no doubt – buy several, writing them off as tax losses, or whatever it is that these corporate ‘licensed to print money' whores do.
Doom
Anyway, if you are up north and you need a car picking up from down south, Beamish Transport is your best bet The driver did have a look of impending doom on his face though, when I approached him with the words ‘ this is as close as you'll get' , the A8 at that time a speck in the distance, round several non-negotiable bends (for a 55ft truck). But as soon as I offered to take full responsibility , and bring the car to him, he took on a more cheered look.
Luckily I'd spotted a handy landscape gardener round the corner. I wish I could have got a picture of this fellow, as he effortlessly pushed the 3,902lbs car up curbs and round corners, me in the driving seat struggling hopelessly to turn the power steering-less wheels. However, I quickly worked out that me taking pictures would only have made him even more suspicious than he already was. ‘It IS YOUR car isn't it?' he'd asked, quite reasonably, as I was busily failing to unlock the Audi using the key to my Saab. ‘Oh yes, I'll just try, errr… THIS key. Ah ha! Look! An Audi key! Yes, I'll try this one. Presto! We're in business!'
Trussed
The truck driver efficiently trussed her, and used a handy remote control to drag her up on to the truck. The car that is, not… okay okay, I'm not going to say it again. ‘You've done this before haven't you?' I enquired, as I always do when seeing an obviously experienced and competent professional doing their job.
There was some paperwork to take care of, and as he strolled round taking note of the bodywork damage, I was able to underpin his read back of ‘scratch on offside, broken rear lights, broken windscreen… ' with: ‘that was the wife, that one's the girlfriend, that's the girlfriend…' and so on. He was quite tickled.
Sheesh, I hope she'll be okay, and her new owner will look after her. She can be a bit of a handful at times, but if you make the commitment and stick to it, you'll be amply rewarded. That reminds me, I went to surprise madam who thought I was 60 miles away at work. Answering the door in nothing but a towel (it was only one o'clock so she was just up), she was both surprised and pleased to see me. I had to get back to work so made my excuses and left. Not before madam handed me my post, which was - ironically - from Audi. A brochure for the new Audi A8. THANKS Audi. Sheesh. Talk about rubbing it in.
Here are the pictures.
